The Unending Scribbler

2006-10-27T07:46:00.000-07:00

You can now find me at http://ccasey007.wordpress.com

Misc. stuff #2

2006-10-25T09:40:00.000-07:00

I was able to see my nephew this past weekend on Saturday for only a few minutes because my brother in law was being a j***a** and for about five hours on Sunday. Those of you who know me and my ongoing health problems are probably shaking your heads about right now. Five hours with a 2 1/2 year old, what was she thinking? Well, I hadn't seen Tan Tan in about three weeks and I really really needed my Tanner fix. He was a good boy but auntie chrystal's house is not kid proof and he is a curious little monkey climbing on everything, opening all the drawers in the house and one time I had to pull him out from under the bed. He thought he saw my kitty Zipper under there. She was a smart girl and stayed well hidden while he was there. I felt pretty good on Saturday and Sunday.

It wasn't until he had been gone about an hour that picking him up and running around after him had caught up with me. I noticed something else after he left. The motivation to write that I had pre-Tanner visit was gone. It confirmed something that I had thought (hoped) for awhile. That my creativity is directly linked to my health. I have to admit I was getting worried. I was beginning to think that my muse was on permanent holiday. Oh, I could edit what I already had written but there was nothing new forming in my brain. So you are thinking, so what, work on what you already have. Which is good advice since I have yet to get anything in good enough shape to submit, but my creativity is a big part of who I am, and not just in my writing, in everything I do. So the thought of losing that part of myself was like losing my sense of smell. I could live without it but something would always be missing.

I have felt rotten for the last two days but feel better today so I am going to try to get some writing done. I wish I could set myself a schedule like say 1000 words a day. LOL No, better make that more realistic. 100 words a day. Pretty puny but I would be happy with that. Maybe I should say 10 words a day since I haven't been doing even that lately.

I still haven't gotten to the doctor. No insurance, no expensive tests. The college still hasn't hired me full time but I do have a job interview next week with the state that pays more. Enough to do more than barely survive. I have spent the last six months praying that any and all castrophies pass me by. Not a great way to live, I know, but we all have to do what we have to do. I'm sure that this financial stress hasn't helped my creativity any either.

I read another manuscript for The Wildrose Press on Monday. Out of the four I have read, only one is publish worthy. If the majority are nonpublish worthy, I see why they need readers. There was one that I got to the point that I just had to say 'I can't read another word' There was no plot. Just a random series of events and tons of misunderstandings (instead of conflict) that could have been fixed if one of the characters would have just said "What did you mean by that?" ugh!!!! No internal/external conflicts, etc. But I think the author has potential. The dialogue was good, her descriptions of scenes were good and her voice was good. She just really needed direction and a critique partner. Of course I need a critique partner too, but I am leaving that for later when I consistantly feel better. I don't want to let another critique partner down because I feel to bad to do my chapters or critique theirs.

Remembering Friends

2006-10-22T22:12:00.000-07:00

These photos were taken right before my I graduated with my BS in 1998. Amber and Frankie were engaged and close friends of mine. A few months after these photos were taken, Amber was killed in a drunk driver auto accident along with Frankie’s mother. They were on their way to go visit Frankie and his father on a job in Ohio (I think). That was a horrible day for alot of people espically Frankie. His daughter was in the backseat of the car but thankfully only sustained a broken collarbone and a few other injuries. I remember taking him to the funeral home to see his mother and then to the holding place to look at her Lincoln Town Car that was so crushed it didn’t resemble a car. It just broke my heart. His father died not too long after that. So basically, except for a two year old daughter that lived in another town with her mother and friends, he was alone. I can’t imagine what that felt like.
He got married within a few years after all this happened to someone from out of state. It didn’t last long, which was no suprise to me or my sister, who was also good friends with them. I did try to keep in touch with him over the years. Sometimes to talk about Amber or other times just to shoot the shit. Where Amber was one of those people who was full of energy and life, Frankie was someone who was just a likeable, good guy. This summer he killed himself. It had been awhile since we had spoken. A few months at least. I ran into him at Wal-mart and made the usual small talk when you see someone you know and don’t really have time to stop and talk. He was in good spirits, laughing and joking. He said give me a call and I said ok but never got around to it. My sister ran herself in circles playing the what if game…what if he would have only called one of us…what if she would have called him…if she had been a good friend she would have known something was wrong.
He supposedly left a note and she was determined to know what it said. I didn’t want to know. No matter how long it was it was basically going to say ‘I’m sorry, I can’t take it anymore’. I know how she feels, It is hard not to feel like I should have done something. But neither one of us could do that. If he wanted us to intervene he would have reached out. He didn’t. I know he had alot of back pain. He had had several surgeries on his back and was scheduled for another one shortly. He drank alot and there were rumors of hard drugs but I never saw him do any of that so I choose not to believe that. He fought depression and his girlfriend had just left him and went back to her ex.
What brought on this walk down memory lane? To start off, I went by the cemetery on my way to my sisters house because…well I don’t know why. I was just compelled to stop and visit Amber, her brother and Frankie’s graves. When I got to my sister’s house she told me that they are auctioning off Frankie’s property next weekend. Everything - house, acerage, tractors, vehicles and contents of the house. I don’t want to go. To see strangers pawing through my friends personal thing isn’t going to be easy for me. After all he didn’t have close family to remove the clothes, photos, personal memento that didn’t mean anything to anyone but him. I don’t think I could stand it. But then on the other hand, how can I not go? It will be a hard decision.

Character Names

2006-10-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

How do you name your characters when you start on a new story idea? I had alot of time to think about this while I was fighting a bad cold this past weekend and had a new story idea knocking around in my head. There is power in a name. People have preconceived ideas associated with certain names. Colin, Nickolas, Gabriel, Wolfric, Dominic, Ian, Rhys all make me think of a powerful, mysterious intriguing, sexy hero.

Names that don't evoke such a manly image to me are names like Henry, Allen, Earl, Stacey, Bob, Kenny, Omar, Charles, Raymond.

Then there are the names that can go either way - Tom, John, James, Jeff, Will, Mark, Joe, Matt.

Women's names are the same. For a kickass heroine I don't want names like Mary, Anna, Jane, Laura, Ruth, Cammie. I want names like Raven, Hope, Jerica, Rhianna, Talena, Tara, Faith. Normal girls put in extraordinary positions I like names like - Olivia, Sarah, Shannon, Jenna, Rona, Traca, Emily, Rachel, Jennifer, etc.

How do I name my characters? Get ready.....I picture the character - their strengths, weaknesses, physical characteristics, the whole package and a name pops into my head. No kidding. That name is no way written in stone and I have been known to change a name if a little way into the story it just isn't working for me. I know some writers who don't name their characters until they are pretty well into their manuscript. I just can't do that. Our name defines us as much as any other part of our personality so I just go with what feels right.

I do not - absolutely not - name my characters after friends or family members. Why don't I? Well, if I name a secondary character after my mom and the character turns out to be a crack head whore. Well mom has told all of her friends - no everyone she knows that her darling daughter has written a book and she is in it. She reads the final draft and instead of being thrilled that her name is mentioned in the book, she is hurt or mad that I have embarrassed her like that. She doesn't want to be the pro ho. She wasnt to be the cool sidekick but it's too late, the book has already been turned in or whatever happens when an author gets published. Maybe crackhead whore it too harsh. (I am reassuring mom at this point that no one believes she is a crackhead whore) Say the character is a greedy, manuplative troublemaker instead. Same thing happens because even though it is fiction she is afraid that people will believe there is a little bit of truth in it. Otherwise, I wouldn't have picked that character to name after her. After all she is my mother and I should know how she really is.

At this point can anyone spell DISASTER? I don't think I can stress that strongly enough. It may work for other writers but not for me. So I name my characters the same way I write, by what feels right. All I can say to all you brave souls that walk through the minefield of naming characters after people you know, good luck with that.

Story Ideas

2006-10-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

This picture had nothing to do with my topic but I thought it was really interesting. What exactly is he covered in? I thought at first it was mud but It may be paint. hmm, I don't know.

Where do you get your story ideas? A piece of a dream, something on the radio or news that gets the wheels turning? Something a family member or co-worker says? The list for me is endless.

A story idea or scene plays out in my head and I feel compelled to write it down. I used to immediately abandon the WIP I was working on and start a new one using the new idea. I don't have to tell you what a disaster that can be. Now I have several notebooks that I write my new ideas down in. I number the entries. I am up to number 78. Will I ever use all of them? Probably not because to tell you the truth, they're not all good. I have went back and pulled a paragraph or phrases out and incorporated them into other stories though.

Right now I am working on a WIP that I want to pitch at nationals this coming year. Earlier this week I had a suprise. A new story idea began to form in my brain. I say I was suprised because of health problems, I haven't been feeling too creative for several months. But there it was, knocking around in my head and it doesn't look like it is going to go away. I haven't written it down in my story idea notebook because I am really not sure it is something I want to pursue. I have done some research I know, I know that is a dirty word to me but the concept is intriguing to and so I am going to take it a little farther before deciding to keep it or kick it. Is it a totally new idea that no one has ever done? I doubt it. Every writer knows (even us unpublished ones) that just about anything you can think of has already been done. It is your life experiences that influence your writing and you individual voice that makes you stand out.

I wasn't going to say anything about this but I have to. I was driving to work this morning, listening to my usual radio station. They were interviewing a writer who was coming out with a new book. One of the questions that the dj asked him was if he was a 'write on a napkin kind of writer' The author said (and I think rather snidely) basically that any idea worth anything doesn't need to be written down at the time that it pops into your head because if it is a good idea then it doesn't go away.

WHAT!!! OMG Does this man live in a bubble? We all have lives-work, families, grocery shopping, laundry, stress, stress and did I mention stress? that take up alot of time and energy and frankly if I don't write down that quirky piece of dialogue when it forms in my head then the chances of me remembering it word for word are nil. If this man can actually write like that then woo hoo for him. I personally have been known to pull over to the side of the road and write on anything handy or carry my mini tape recorder with me just to get that idea down before my mind darts off to some other important item in my day. How about everyone else? How do you get your story ideas?

God's of Rain Send Some Our Way

2006-10-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

The weather report forecasts rain for tomorrow 100%. Can't get any more definate than that. Still I won't hold my breath until it happens. My poor tulip tree, and hedges (or do you call baby hedges, hedgelets?) are suffering but suprisingly enough all of my rose bushes look good. I usually don't worry about that sort of thing but I had to get out and enjoy the day on Saturday before I watched the Sooners get creamed by Texas:(
Fall is my favorite time of the year. A time when you can still wear shorts and t-shirts or jeans and a long sleeved light weight shirt and still be comfortable. The leaves were falling off of my big trees and my fat cat was going nuts in the back yard chasing them. Apparently it was too much exercise for her because she crashed all day Sunday. I did my ususal fall/spring cleaning/rearranging furniture last weekend and this weekend. It isn't something I plan, I just get antsy and need to move things around. I got a bunch of stuff to go to the church for the garage sale this weekend though. I hate clutter and it seems like I just keep accumulating junk.
I am not going to sell my house and move at this time. I just have too many bills that need to be paid from me not working steady the last six months. Besides, I only have a year until my house and car are paid for so you guys are stuck with me for awhile.
I read two full manuscripts for Wildrose Press this weekend. I really think it is helping me with my own WIP, although I tend to have tunnel vision and not be able to see my own mistakes sometimes. I don't have a critique partner right now. It didn't work out with the last one but one of the OKRWA members said it took her two years to find the one that fit her. I will keep looking but I haven't felt all that great in the last few months so I will probably hold off on that for awhile.

2006-10-05T08:24:00.000-07:00

Have been feeling under the weather this week and working longer hours at work, trying to work on the house some and have been doing some partial reads for Wildrose press. The manuscript evaluations are actually harder than I thought they would be. The questions they ask have made me reevaluate my own WIP's (yes there are multiple ones) to see if they suffer from the same problems as the authors I am reading. It is kind of a relief knowing that the authour isn't reading the evaluation. I don't want to discourage anyone from writing or be too negative about their manuscript. The way it is set up, the editor is the only one who reads it so I don't have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings. I can say 'this doesn't work for me because...' or 'I really like this authors voice but the characters have no depth', etc. It is a new experience for me but I wanted it so that I would know how my own manuscripts are being evaluated. Or maybe I should say I would know how my own manuscripts are being evaluated if I actually sent one in. I know, I know, I have to get past this fear of failure and finish one and send it off. I am working on that, I promise.

Misc. Stuff

2006-09-26T13:19:00.001-07:00

Today is my dad's birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD.

I went to see my nephew on Sunday who wasn't home then went by my mom's, who unfortunately was. Fought with her and left. She must be getting along with my sister. She can never get along with both of us at one time. Come on we are all adults aren't we? I guess she wasn't satisfied with how things turned out so a little later she drove 20 miles to my house to tell me once again why she was right and I was wrong. You know to say I was pissed was an understatement. Some people just can't leave it alone. Then I get home yesterday from work and there is something on the porch that she has drove over again and left there. Let it lie mom, really. It doesn't make me get over it sooner when you keep at me like a dog on a bone. It just makes me madder and more stubborn. Whew, had to get that off my chest.

When I was actually driving to her house on Sunday, I took the back road and had to stop to let 11 wild turkeys cross the road. I didn't know we had wild turkeys still in Oklahoma. On the 4th of July weekend when I went to that barbecue with my sister a bobcat crossed in front of us. I am used to seeing deer running across the road and coyotes but a bobcat? I haven't seen one of those in probably 10 or 15 years. freaky.

My sister's husband told her within a few days of each other that he wanted to buy a house and 10 acres two miles from his job then that he was sick of his job and wanting to quit. did I say I wanted to get married? He has definately made me reevaluate singledom and not find it all that lacking.

Finished LK Hamilton's new book and I have to admit I didn't think it was up to the standards of the other Anita Blake books. I really like that whole series but this book was nothing but sex. Now I don't mind sex in my books but this needed a little book in the sex. No vampire hunting, no crime fighting, just sex. I read the whole thing but got tired of it before the end.

I liked Primal Heat by Susan Sizemore, Dark Side of the Moon by Sherrilyn Kenyon and Dark Celebration by Christine Feehan. Ok, ok I know I was on a vampire run for awhile, now I am back to reading historicals. I have read a few older regencies and medieval romances too. Medieval romance is the area that I most like to write about so I am reading and rereading some medieval books. Some of the best are by Lynn Kurland. She has such an eye for detail and a way of making you feel like you are right in the story. Sharon Kay Penman who writes medieval mysteries is the same way. Both have a way of telling a story that makes you want to read the whole thing in one setting. When I finally get published that is what I want people to say about me. There can be no higher compliment.

Still haven't sold my house but now I think the college is going to offer me a permanent job. Don't know what to do now. Guess it all depends on the job and the pay. We'll see. If I do stay I am going to look into getting another dog. I have been looking on the black lab resuce pages and that just really makes me want another one. They were saying on there that it is hardest for black dogs to get adopted out of shelters and such. I don't know why, the two black labs that I had were the best dogs that you could ask for. They were good watchdogs and were so good around kids. Very patient and playful. My mom used to breed the chocolate labs but I always had a soft spot for the black ones.

I think I am getting a cold. Everyone at work has had that flu and I have been so worried about getting that, that I think a cold snuck up on me. I'm not feeling too great otherwise but I am dealing with it and still trying to get some writing done too and all that other stuff done around the house that needs to be done.

One last point to depress everyone. Walmart already has their Christmas stuff up. I know it is only 3 months away but good grief, Halloween isn't even here yet.

2006-09-22T07:33:00.000-07:00

Went to the booksale last night at the library and it was ok. They have started having them twice a year and they aren't really as good as they used to be. I did find some good medieval history books and some writing reference books and a few for my nephew.

Worked on my WIP quite a bit today. I am doing a lot of researching right now and it seems to take up alot of time. Of course it has to be done. And there are parts of the story that need to be changed. I can tell I have learned alot since I started it. Some from reading reference books but alot from the published members of OKRWA that don't mind sharing their knowledge with us unpublished authors. Thank you ladies, I really appreciate it!!

It is almost the weekend and I am going to do yard work. I really hate to mow and rake and pull weeds. Some people like to dig around in the dirt but me I have dug enough potatoes, picked enough beans, carrots, corn, okra, peas, squash, watermelon, etc. on my grandpa's farm to last me a lifetime. Although those were good times with my cousins, aunts, uncles, parents and grandparents. Alot of good memories. So I will suck it up and mow and prune the rose bushes and the trees and hope it is for the last time this year. I hope everyone has a good weekend.

2006-09-21T07:54:00.000-07:00

I have been working long hours at the college. The 4 week temp position has turned into something a bit longer with me being moved into the office. It may turn into something permanent, which is good and they said I could still take classes if I wanted to. yea!

As far as my health goes, I have my good days and bad ones but I am still exhausted most of the time and can't seem to get enough sleep (so unlike me). Got bit by a fiddle back on the inside of my thigh a few weeks ago and let me tell you that is no place a fat girl ever wants to be bit. ouch!

Good news is I have been writing again. I was feeling so bad for a while there that I couldn't seem to concentrate on anything else but the pain. I have been taking advantage of the good days and the fact that two of our published authors in OKRWA have offered to critique full manuscripts for the unpubs has motivated me to get back to work. Still haven't made it into the neurologist that will be big bucks that I don't have right now. I am not going back to my other doctor. She gave me the distinct impression the last time I was in to see her that she thought it was all in my head. Time to move on to someone else.

I am taking off of work early today to go to the book sale at the public library. I just love that stuff. This one isn't too big but the OKC one in February is humongus that one is the one that I really find alot of Oklahoma, Old West, writing and Medieval reference books. the one today is small but the books are $.50 for paperbacks and $1.00 for hardbacks. I usually find enough gems to make it worth my while to go. Can't beat that.

2006-08-20T07:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't dropped off the face of the earth, just have been feeling really bad with the illness that the doctors haven't figured out yet. It is taking all the energy I have to go to work each day. My doctor has been trying out another drug on me that had bad side effects. I am off of it now since it didn't work, so more tests and more meds that may or may not work. I have done absolutely no writing and haven't even wanted to. Well, I did think about it yesterday which was more than I have done in a while. I just hate feeling crappy all the time. It's hard to get the creative juices flowing when you feel that bad. Our monthly writing meeting was yesterday and I had planned to go to that but again, I was wiped out. It is so frustrating when you go put a load of laundry in or even just go take a shower then have to go sit or lay down because all of your energy is gone. I have faith that they will figure it out eventually, but it is dang frustrating until then.

On a lighter note, I have good news. My sister is pregnant so I am going to be an auntie again. I am happy although if she ends up with another one like my nephew, she is going to have her hands full. He is so mischievous but he is sweet too so I guess it all balances out. The baby is due in march on my birthday. How cool is that?

Busy Week

2006-07-18T04:43:00.000-07:00

It has been a really busy week. The kitten didn't make it but one night. She was definately an outdoor cat and had no idea what the litterbox was for. She thought she was suppose to sleep in it. Then we had several cat fights in the middle of the night. Zipper was not happy with her trying to get near her and the kitten wanted to be near her all the time. I gave her to my elderly neighbor but that didn't work out since the cat wanted to get tangled in her feet all the time. My mother said she would take her so I packed her up on Saturday morning and took her to moms. She named her Ginger.

I dug out mom's sewer on saturday morning and all the pipes are cracked (to be continued this coming weekend) and mowed on Sunday morning. I doubt my neighbors appreciated me mowing at 7:00 am but, oh well, it was just too dang hot to do it any other time.

My cousin died unexpectedly and I haven't felt well this week. Still haven't gotten the test results back from my hospital stay June 15 and 16. That has been a big mess. I am so frusterated with the on call doctor and his office. Finally my doctor is getting the test results faxed to her from the hospital and I go in to see her on Thursday afternoon.

I have an exam for a job on Wednesday and hopefully that will turn out good. The one I have isn't bad but the pay stinks.

I have gotten no writing done in the last two weeks. I can't seem to concentrate. I am worried about money and not feeling well and money and trying to get my house sold and money. I know things could be alot worse and I am thankful that they aren't but I need a break. I don't feel too creative at the moment. Not that I still don't have story ideas floating around in my head but I just don't feel like working on my WIP or anything else right now.

New Addition

2006-07-08T10:55:00.000-07:00

I was driving home today and on main street saw this kitten under a pickup. Of course I couldn't just drive by and leave the baby to get squashed on the busy street. So after I got down on the street and fished her out from under the pickup I brought her home. Scrawny and flea infested and starving. I can't tell if she is short haired or not but I think she is. If so I will have to find her a home since I am allergic to short hair but not long haired cats. The vet said that it is probably the dander that I am allergic to and long haired ones clean themselves better so less dander. But we will see. I am not a cat person but I cannot turn away any and all animals in need, it is a big weakness of mine. Zipper, my other, anti-social, crabby and vicious cat hates her and is as I write this hiding under the bed. She will pout but I am sure get over it. I need a name for the kitty if anyone has any suggestions. I am a total blank.

Happy 4th

2006-07-04T14:36:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th to everyone. This year I didn't do much. I went to a cookout Friday night and showed my house to several people on Saturday. I usually go to the lake and spend three or four days but I had to work Monday.

Four years ago (2002) I was in London on the 4th of July. As you can imagine, England doesn't celebrate our independence from them. I had been in Europe for almost eight weeks by that time and have to admit that I really hadn't gotten homesick until the 4th. I don't know what it was about the 4th that made me miss the good old US of A. I hadn't missed it when all I could get on the television was two year old episodes of JAG in French or the fact that I couldn't use my blowdryer or curling iron because of the difference in plugs and electricity, or even the difference in food but I got a little teary eyed on the 4th sitting in my rundown hotel room drinking a bottle of cheap wine and singing the star spangled banner. I loved Europe but I am definately an American from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. With the lives we all lead in America, it is easy to forget that 230 years ago people were fighting for their lives and our way of life. To break free from the yoke of religious oppression and to get out from under the thumb of England. I am proud that my ancestors were part of that fight and I am also proud of the men and women who have in the past and are still continuing to serve our country in the armed forces. I hope everyone takes a few minutes today to pray for the safety of our troops and reflect on what it means to be an American. Happy 4th!

One more Maxine

2006-06-29T18:48:00.000-07:00

Last Maxine I promise. I just couldn't resist. Miss Masters, sorry I don't know her name, was looking for someone to tell her how smart she is today. Since I gave up cheerleading after high school, it wasn't me. She did find someone to stroke her ego though but insisted on sitting with me at lunch. I kept my nose stuck in a book most of the time and covered my sandwich with the other hand. I wasn't taking any chances today. The book I am reading is Lori Handeland's new book Crescent Moon. Excellent. She does paranormal werewolf so well. If you have a chance to read it do, it is a real page turner.

Rachel, the reason I didn't say anything when she was spouting off about her masters is because I know it won't take long for someone to knock her off her high horse. You find out that it is much more important to you than it is to everyone else. It may help you get a job or advance in your career over someone who doesn't have one but it isn't a gauge of your intelligence over everyone elses, as she seems to think it is. Plus I didn't want her to suddenly think that I was on her level and make more of an effort to be friends. Don't get me wrong, I am not oppossed to meeting new people and making new friends but this woman really is the black hole of emotional need and I am not the one to step in and fill it for her. The whole situation is strange and I am always leary of people who want to tell me their life story 30 mintues after meeting me.

2006-06-28T20:46:00.000-07:00

One of my friends sent me an email full of Maxine cartoons and I had to share this one in honor of my starting a new job last friday and the annoying lady that worked next to me. The job is ok but not permanent as of yet so they don't have to pay us much but the lady that worked next to me on monday spent the whole day coughing and singing show tunes outloud. You know The Sound of Music, Grease, Fame and then opera music and corrected and contradicted everything I said because after all she just graduated from OSU with a masters degree so she is super smart. Her words not mine. I refrained from telling her that I had a masters degree too and she would get over thinking she was smarter than most everyone else, PDQ.

I have to admit that I am really not a people person and don't encourage people to tell me the story of their life because....well, I just don't care. Didn't stop miss surrey with the fringe on top from telling me though and following me to the lunch room for lunch everyday. On this paticular day she actually had the nerve to gripe at me for pulling the crust off of my peanut butter sandwich. You know I am tired, I have been getting up at 5:00 am and writing for an hour and a half every morning before I leave for work and not sleeping well, so it just hit me wrong. I told her that since I was an adult that I could do what I wanted with my crusts. I actually had a suggestion in mind for where she could put them but I was good and didn't say it. So I am taking a bite and she sneezes across the table all over my face and sandwich and just goes on talking like nothing happened. Needless to say, I didn't eat it. I just got up in mid sentence and had to get out of there. I am a pretty calm person, not prone to lose my temper but even I had had my quota of BS for the day. You want to know the worst thing about it is? She is a school teacher. Parents be afraid, be very afraid of bossy, know it alls who don't have the good manners to cover their mouths when the sneeze or cough and are shaping our children's minds. It gives me shivers just thinking about it.

Half Light

2006-06-26T17:59:00.000-07:00

Did anyone watch Half Light on TNT last night with Demi Moore? It was great. A thriller with a some paranormal. I wish I would have written it. It was that good. If you have a chance to watch it, it is worth your time.

I am out of SurvivorWriter after what 6 or 8 weeks I got all but 5 pages done for my quota this week but I have started working again and I really need to be working on my wip that is 60,000 words. I just started the other one for fun and I really did like SW because it kept me writing but I need to get serious about the other one and I can't do both with my free time being reduced so much. It's a bummer but Kitty has gotta eat. And no, this isn't a good job but it is a job for now. You know underpaid and overworked but I'll find something better, I just gotta keep looking. The only thing I hate about looking for a job is that it feels like begging. Is that just me or does anyone else ever feel like that when they look?

Happy Birthday Tanner

2006-06-24T19:32:00.000-07:00

Today is Tan Tan's big #2. My sister had a party with about 15 other kids there and 7 or 8 adults. We cooked out and had cake and ice cream. It was totally exhausting. The other adults just ignored the kids and my poor sister had to run around making sure none of them fought, wandered off, you name it. I tried to help but lets face it, I am just not used to running around after kids so I have my doubts about my usefulness. She did have a slip n' slide, bubble machine, pin the tail on the donkey, etc to keep them busy. The first picture show just how pooped we were by the end of the day. Neither Tanner or his auntie could spare the energy to smile. The other picture is earlier in the day of Tanner at the end of the slip n' slide. Weren't the ones we had as kids yellow and called bannana slide or something? I know a trival thing but it has been bugging me all day. The party only lasted a few hours but man I am pooped. It went well. It is hard for me to believe that he is that big already.

Way to go Cindy!

2006-06-21T15:20:00.000-07:00

Exciting news for Cyn Marlot www.cynmarlot.com of the OKRWA. Her auction ended today and she signed a 3 book deal with Lucia Macro at Avon. The estimated release date is 2008. Woo Hoo!! Way to go Cindy. I had a hard time not contacting her today to find out if she had heard anything but I didn't want to add to her anxiety.

Not only is it good news for Cindy but for all the Oklahoma Outlaws. I am proud to be a part of this great group of people who never fail to lend a helping hand when asked (and even when not asked) and are a fountain of never ending support.

Blogger Hell Rant

2006-06-19T17:33:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the rant but I am in blogger hell today. I figured out how to post my picture and I went back and scaled down some of my personal info after the panel discussion on Saturday. I was giving out way to much information. I finally found the URL for the background I want and went into the template to change it and totally f***** it up. I tried to undo what I had done and messed it up worse. I had no choice but to go back and change back to the old template that I had before which erased all of my links. I actually do know how to fix that but I have had enough frustration for the day.

Oh but I almost forgot. I went to my space today too. I have friends that have blogs on there so of course I want to comment on them. They make you set up a blog. ugh!!! I don't want another blog, but now I have one. If you can call it that. It is totally different than blogger and talk about personal info. They want to know everything from your astrological sign to your sexual orientation to your religion. That is waaaay too much info for me to put out there. After I erased all the personal automatically generated info I still didn't figure out how to comment on the stinking thing. I should have never went there today. After my disaster with blogger, I was just asking for it. If anyone knows more than me about my space, I would appreciate the help.

My guilty afternoon

2006-06-18T18:25:00.000-07:00

I read alot of things: history, romance (0f course), horror, murder mysteries, biographys, the list goes on and on. One thing I don't read are tabloid magazines, or watch talk shows. I don't mean Dr. Phil or Oprah, I am talking the Jerry Springer kind. (I don't even think he is on the air anymore). I think they are tacky (my sister would kill me if she heard me say that she loves them) and watching something like Springer where some woman is confronting her husband who slept with her mother and sister at the same time is just unnerving to me. The thing I LOVE are true crime books. Not the kind like the Texas Cheerleader mom case I mean the Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dalmer, Helter Skelter kind of books. So you say what is the big deal? yes, they are major crimes, alot of people are interested in those kinds of books and no, I'm not a murderer groupie so why do I feel so guilty about reading them? I don't know. We all know women who have been embarrassed when caught reading a romance novel, that is the way I am about these true crime books. I was recently in the hospital and I had a hardback of the Almanac of World Crime by Jay Robert Nash and I actually took the dust jacket off and slipped it into my purse so no one would know what I was reading. Like the nurses gave a rip. It is a really good book so I have been carrying it around with me. It is mostly on crimes of the 19th century like Lizzie Borden, Jack the Ripper, etc. I love those the best. I am reading this book and I am wondering why I am so facinated with it when I came upon this passage under Arson:

"Chicago, Illinois, 1892-93: Herman Webster Mudgett, alias H. H. Holmes purchased several cheap houses on Chicago's South Side, insured them heavily, then torched the buildings to collect heavy insurance monies. He went on to build a three-story monstrosity later called "Murder Castle" in which he systematically murdered more than two hundred women for their money and property withing a year, becoming America's all-time mass murderer. He torched the building housing his victims' bones but able firemen put out the blaze. Holmes fled to Pennsylvania and was subsequently hanged in Philadelphia for other murders."

Now I ask you how on earth am I to put the book down and not try to find more out about this Mudgett character? Not only did he murder 200+ women, he also murdered more people later on. I can't walk away from that. My curiosity is peaked especially when I read later in the book that the castle he built was full of trap doors and hidden rooms and other oddities that aided him in murdering these women. So I spent the afternoon reading the rest of the book trying to find out more info but there wasn't any. In the back of my mind, I know I will have to find out more about him.

I did do some research for my medieval time travel WIP too. I am going to have a scene where there is some good old fashioned torture in it and I have been trying to read this book I bought last year called A History of Torture by George Riley Scott. I made myself read a few chapters today. Let me tell you, it isn't for the weak of stomach which is why it is taking me so long to get through it. I might like to read about murderers but I don't want to know the gory details. It is really graphic and to tell you the truth, I might just leave out the torture scene. uck! The book is well written and he does a good job of recounting the history of torture along with drawings, so I will probably try to get through it, whether I use anything out of it or not, I haven't decided. I have to say that is always suprises me the capacity that select individuals have for inflicting pain and unspeakable acts on other humans and animals. I guess when it doesn't suprise me, I should be worried.

When I said that I never read tabloids, I was fibbing. My grandmother used to buy them every week and I would read them at her house, then we would discuss what was in them. She got a big kick out of it. She died in 2002 and sometimes when I miss her, I go but all of them for that week and hole up in my house and read them. Shhh! don't tell anyone.

06-06-06

2006-06-14T20:06:00.000-07:00

Did anyone stop to think on June 6 about the 06-06-06 connection? I heard a few things mentioned about it on tv and on the net but I have to be honest, I really didn't place that much significance on it, other than noticing that it was the day that the remake of The Omen was coming out (something I will probably have to see). Not that it was released around my measley little hick town on that day, I don't know about OKC or Tulsa. I was talking to my mother this evening and she was saying that the stock market took a big dip on the day before and the day of the triple 6's. I won't even get into the health of the stock market lately, but really why were all these people dumping their stocks? Did they think the world was going to end? and if so what did they think they were going to be able to do with the extra money? Take it with them? ha! not even possible. People have been trying to figure that one out since the beginning of time. So it makes you wonder, what were they thinking? Maybe it wasn't the end of the world they were betting on after all. Perhaps they just thought that we were going to have a break down of the social structure on the day of the 6's, people would act crazy and there would be a complete market crash and they would lose their asses. Who knows, me I mowed the lawn that day looked for a job and ate watermelon on the back porch while my cat ran around the back yard chasing birds. Had I been aware of what day it was, I might have approached it a little differently. I have to admit I am a little superstitious, so I definately wouldn't have mowed. Would have stayed as far away from sharp blades as possible. Wouldn't have bothered to look for a job that day. What would have been the use? The watermelon, I'd have still ate that and let the cat play in the back yard. Although not long after she came in, she projectile vomited on the floor. Hmm, maybe there is something to that 666 business after all.

Is it monday already?

2006-06-12T16:06:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it has been almost a week since I have posted. I have tried to read eveyone elses blogs but I have been busy looking for a job, interviewing, and turning down 2 jobs that paid so little, it wouldn't be worth driving to them that I haven't had much time. Oh and did I mention the online class I am taking and my 15 pages a week for survivor writer plus my WIP (probably would have been smart to make my 15 page thing my WIP but I didnt). I worked thurs-sun for the temp agency. The weekend was spent transcribing at home which I liked. I have never worked from home like that before and it would be nice if I could find something like that full time. Not counting on it though. I am going to Tulsa tomorrow to look there.

The nerve damage in my hands and arms seems to be getting worse and feels like it is moving into my upper back. It is painful and I need to go to the neurologist but I have to come up with an extra $285 for the office call first. That's not even counting any tests he wants to do. ugh! First I have to find a decent job that keeps Zipper in canned 9 lives. Wish me luck!

The lake

2006-06-06T20:37:00.000-07:00

I had a job interview this morning that blew and decided to drive out to the lake before I went home (before the rain of course). It is really pathetic that I don't go out there more often since I live a mile away from it. The first picture is a bloomed out thistle plant that caught my eye although it seemed alot more purple when I took the picture. The little round brick building out about 20 feet from the bank is the monitoring system office for the lake. How would you like to be the guy that's office was out in the middle of the lake? Hmm maybe that's not so bad after all. The last picture is of the backside of the bath house. We don't have a swimming pool in my dinky town. We just have this bath house that was built right around the turn of the century. On farther to the left is another set of stone steps that lead down to a gazabo and the wather with wooden floating pathways and platforms and all kinds of things for the kids to play on. I swam alot last summer for exercise and let me tell you the swim wasn't half of it. Try swimming until you are about to drop then walking up all those steps. If I remember right there is something like 145 of them. I had to stop more than once to catch my breath. It is really an awesome old building and they have done a really good job keeping it the way it was but I was still cussing by the time I got to the top.

Busy Week

2006-06-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

I've had a busy week looking for a job, interviewing and showing the house so I haven't been posting (as if you couldn't tell). I haven't even seen my sweet little nephew this week. I went and worked at the food bank at the church today and woo wee it was hot. I didn't even stick around and visit much.

This is a picture of an old school house that I took a few weeks ago. Pretty tiny huh? I wouldn't want to have been packed in there in 100 degree weather with a room full of kids.

Blues on Tues

2006-05-30T18:11:00.000-07:00

That title just about sums up my day today. Reoccurring health problems and an uncertain financial future have taken up all of my time in the last couple of days. I only have a few of my fifteen pages written for SurvivorWriter and I did get out 'Wed Me or Dead Me' and dusted it off. I have a new critique partner and I am going to work on that one. It is a medieval timetravel and that and medieval are the area that I am most interested in. I got some really good advice from a multi-published author the other day and she told me to get established in the area I love then branch out so I am putting all the other stuff aside for awhile. I did have a few people look at the house today, I don't know how promising that is, they said that they would contact me and let me know but I don't really know how that kind of stuff works. Cross your fingers for me.

I need some good news, anybody got any?

Keep your small machinery away from me.

2006-05-28T10:59:00.001-07:00

In the last week I have broken three, yes I said three, push lawnmowers. Mine, my dad's and my sister's. How, I don't know. I have been scrambling around this last week trying to get the last things done on the house so I can put it up for sale since I haven't gotten that done yet. And they just quit running and wouldn't start again. I did actually just flood my sisters and had to wait until yesterday to finish up, so technically you could say I only broke two this week. At the time, I thought it was broken. When I turned it over to look and see if there was anything blocking the blade, I did something unbelievably stupid. I grabbed the blade and you guessed it, I cut my fingers. I did some cussing and kicking and yelling, pretty much acted like I was ten years old then looked up and spotted my neighbor out on his porch in his wheelchair. He always comes outside when I mow and tries to talk to me over the mower, why I don't know. Friday was no different. He gives me that slow drawl and says. "I see your mower ain't working. And it looks like your hand is bleeding, what'd you go and grab that blade for?" I didn't even bother to answer, just said "I'm done" and drug the mower around to the back yard and went in the house. I should have know better than to mow that night anyway. My mother had just left and was in a foul mood. she had came in yelling about the tone I had used when I had talked to her earlier and something I had said and on and on. I really had no clue what she was talking about which made her even madder. So being irritated as I was after she left, I knew better than to go out and try to mow. But I did it anyway.

Saturday I did get the mowing done and painted all the eaves of the house. Today I painted the bathroom and all the trim work and mudded the hallway and sanded it. I am pooped. Just got to paint the hallway and clean and I am done. This is the first house that I have actually had that we gutted and totally redid down to the gas and water lines and let me tell you, it will be the last. It just seems like you never get it done and all your energy goes into working on it. Cross your fingers that I can sell it pretty quickly.

My mower is at the repairmans and my dad took his home to tinker with it. When I called my sister she told me what was wrong with hers. It would have been nice to know those kind of things ahead of time but at least it isn't broken.

Keep your small machinery away from me.

2006-05-28T10:59:00.000-07:00

Writing as a business

2006-05-25T09:33:00.000-07:00

One of the ladies in my writing group is trying to get a critique group going and sent us a link about critique groups. When I read it, it talked about how writing is a business. I have never really thought about it like that. Pretty unbelievable I know. I have always just thought about it as, well, just writing. Something that I love to do, that I am passionate about but not in such definate, structured terms. I have never considered it just a hobby to be picked up whenever I am bored or want to pass some time, it is too personal for that. But I have never thought in terms of having a well laid plan for my writing and goals to be met by a certain time. As I am sure you can guess by now, I don't plan out my projects. I am beginning to see that this is not a good thing. This writing willy nilly on a WIP until the idea peters out then shelving it until days, weeks or months later when I figure out how to finish it might work in Chrystal's bubbleland but in the real world I'll be SOL.

When I joined SurvivorWriter three weeks ago, I decided to start on a new project instead of going back to one of those ones I had shelved. Why you asked? It would have been a whole lot easier, I know, but somehow it would have felt like cheating. I didn't want to just copy pages I had already done. There was no point in that. I wanted something that was going to challenge me. It has been hard but I have an outline (something I have never tackled before). I have to. There are no do overs in SW. You post your 15 pages then you can't go back and redo any of them so you damn well better know where your story is going.

I've always had a vague idea of getting published, not really a plan to get there but a hope. So much so that I have never sent anything off to a contest or an editor or agent. It's not the fear of rejection, ok, not all of it is the fear of rejection. I guess I have never thought it was something that was plausible for me. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But I have gotten a new appreciation for the members of OKRWA and realized that these women are treating this like a business and they do have a plan. Not a vague hope that everything will work out in the end but an action taking plan. I think that part of my refusal to take writing as a business seriously was the fact that I am not published. How can I call myself a writer if I've never gotten published (aside from poetry and such I did as a kid)? When people in the past have asked me what I really want to do with my life, I have always said "I want to be a writer". I didn't realize that the minute I put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and started shaping my ideas into a tangible project, I was already a writer. A published author, not yet. A professional author, not even close. I still have work at another job to pay the bills. Is that a dream of mine? Sure is. Will I quit if I never get one of my stories published, hell no, but I am going to start treating writing as more of a business and take more of an active role in getting published. Now I just have to send something off. ugh!

I'm Home

2006-05-23T07:12:00.000-07:00

I'm home. Funny thing about going on a trip. You can't wait to leave then you are sure glad to get home. I had a really good time with my friends. A much needed rest and my creative juices did start to flow and I have lots of good ideas. I have almost finished my third set of 15 pages for SurvivorWriter so I can turn my energys to my problem WIP. I have come to the conclusion that it just needs a major overhaul, not the little fix it I was hoping I could get by with. It is just too good of a story to trash so I guess I will start from the beginning. Several members of OKRWA had good news while I was gone. Tina has a story in this weeks Woman's World and Dana had requests for her manuscripts at RT. WOO HOO!!

Out of touch for a week

2006-05-16T14:19:00.000-07:00

This will be my last post until the 23rd. I was pretty bummed about being one of the few who were not going to RT then one of my friends invited me to come down to Texas. Well, that isn't actually right, I invited myself but that is the great thing about best friends, you don't have to schedule visits, you can just let them know you're coming and they are just as glad to see you as you are to see them. Last time I went down there my creative juices really got to going. Heres to hoping that happens again. I hate to say it but I have been in a funk. I haven't felt the best lately and my concentration has stunk. I've done little things to recharge my creative energy but I have to face it, I need to get away.

I was a little hasty about the wasp sting. Although my finger didn't swell up to gigantic proportions, it did swell and so did the back of my hand and it all turned bright pink. So while it wasn't a life threatening condition there was definately a reaction. Nothing a little benadryl and an ice pack didn't take care of though.

I decided to go ahead and upload my files to SurvivorWriter at 7:00 pm on Sunday and right in the middle of it my DSL line malfunctioned. I was on the phone with technical support until 11:59. My pages were due at midnight so needless to say, I didn't get them turned in on time. You don't get them turned in on time, you get kicked out of the group. I started to bawl. Can't tell you the last time I did that. I think it was the combination of the stress from talking to the tech support people, which didn't take me long to figure out know more about computers than I ever will, and the disappointment of not meeting the deadline by minutes for something I had worked so hard on. Well I decided to post it anyway. If I didn't get to post again, at least I would do it this time. Then next day, I was calmer about it all. It is amazing what a good nights sleep will do for you. I kept waiting for the axe to fall and Donna to tell me I was out. When she didn't do that I emailed her and told her what happened and she said I could stay. yea! I have already finished my pages for this week and will load them before I leave tomorrow morning. This WIP I am working on for Survivor Writer isn't the one I have been struggling with, that one already has 200 pages and lots of problems. I needed something fresh for this project.

I'm off to finish packing. I'll talk to you all in a week.

Survivor Writer

2006-05-14T07:51:00.000-07:00

I have to turn in my first assignment to Survivor Writer by midnight tonight. I have the 15 pages done but now I am worried. Why you ask. It is only a writing exercise, not something that is going to be critiqued. The only ones that are going to read it are the other people in the group (if they bother to read it that is) so what is the big deal? First of all I have no title. In my soon to be done WIP I had the title almost as soon as I started. This one I don't. When I start something (and I do have a handful that are started and not finished) I don't name them. I just use the main characters name like 'Alan and Joan' and from that I know what story it is. But now I have to name this thing and I am stressed. If I name it something then later want to change it I'm stuck. Of course I know I have to name it something and I will but ugh! I want to pull my hair out.

I went to a Romance Writers Ink meeting in Tulsa yesterday. I am not a member but I saw on their webpage that they were having Carol Woods, an editor from Timber Wolf Press, a small publishing house in Texas speak on critique groups. Since I am in desperate need of one of those myself, I decided to try it out. And it was worth it. It was a good presentation and she also talked about submissions and query letters. All usefull info. The group is alot smaller than OKRWA, only about 10 or 12 members but they are really driven. I'll still go to the OKRWA meetings but I will probably join this group too. I need all the help I can get.

I woke up this morning same as usual, with the cat in my face wanting me to raise the blind so she could stare out at the birds in the back yard. When I reached over and grabbed the strings I got stung by a red wasp. I can't remember the last time I got stung by a wasp or a bee or anything like that. My dad says that he will die if he doesn't get to a hospital after being stung by a red wasp, so I stared at my index finger watching to see if it was going to swell to the size of a cucumber and cleared my throat in case is decided to start closing up. Nothing, nadda. My finger swelled up a little where the sting was but that was all. Then I started wondering what made my dad think he was allergic to them. I can never remember him getting stung by one when I was growing up although we lived out in the country and there were plenty of them around. I distinctly remember going to the ice box when I was 10 or 12 after hearing him tell someone about his allergy and looking in it and in the freezer for some anti death serium to counteract a wasp sting. Because if it were that life threatening, he should have something to counteract it shouldn't he? Well there wasn't any in there. So in my adolecent mind I was so scared that he was going to get stung and just fall over dead. But back to the point. What made him think he was allergic? Had he ever gotten stung and had a reaction or were one or both of his parents allergic to red wasp stings and told him he probably was too. The same as he had done me. So that left me staring at my finger through bleary eyes at 7:00 am wondering how long it took you to know if you were going to die from something like that. Apparently I wasn't too worried, after about 15 minutes the throbbing lessened and I rolled over and went back to sleep for another hour. Now I am wondering if I am allergic to penicillin. I can't ever remember having a reaction to it but both my parents are allergic to it and they told me that I am too. I wonder if they told my sister that too. Hmmm I am going to have to go quiz my mom about this.

To all you mothers out there, Happy Mother's Day. Enjoy your special day.

Motivating myself

2006-05-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it was chasing my nephew around for three hours yesterday or just getting out of the house but I woke up this morning early and ready to write. I spent a productive morning working on my WIP and then did the exercise "Outline a Novel in 30 Minutes" It is pretty basic and deals mainly with the protagonists motivations and goals, her internal and external conflicts and resolving them and the ending. I am not one who has ever used an outline but I really really need to learn how. This helped me solidify my story a little more and maybe I can make up a bare bones outline from it. I have a bad habit of starting a WIP and when my ideas fizzle out then I put it on a shelf until later (sometimes much later) before I decide how I want it to progress. What has this left me with? Well about 6 half done ones and several that are done that I didn't like the way they were going but kept on writing. I will eventually have to go back and do a salvage mission and resurrect them. There were a few good ideas in there.

This afternoon I spent working around the house and hauling stuff to the storage building and putting off mowing for a few more days.

Tanner

2006-05-11T07:29:00.000-07:00

I am going to go babysit my nephew Tanner this afternoon. He is almost two and has so much energy. He is constantly jumping and running and climbing, he wears his poor auntie out. But all that chasing around is worth is when he puts his little chubby arms around my neck and says. "Oh tistel" As you can see he gets his big ears from his aunt. Poor boy.

On to writing things, well there is none. My motivation level is at an all time low right now. I just don't feel very creative. Not just in writing but everything in my life. With all this rain the lawn has started to grow and the only thing I hate worse than lawn work is vacuuming. I am trying to get the house ready to sell but I can't seem to get anything done. I've even went so far as to join a writing group that you have to turn in 15 pages a week to stay a member. I know 15 pages seems pretty lame but right now, I'll be lucky to get that done. Maybe I just need to get away from this house and computer for awhile. Usually I go out and trapse around and take pictures but I don't even want to do that. So maybe going to see Tan Tan today will be the best thing for me. Hopefully I'll be fully charged and ready to go tomorrow.

NonWriting good news

2006-05-09T11:09:00.000-07:00

My cousin called me to tell me that in her tiny town, they are going to have an auction on the 28th. What they are auctioning off is a quilt that my great-great aunt made. I think that is right. It is my great grandfather's sister. Not everyone would get excited about this, but I am a quilter and an amateur genealogist for my family. I have spent more time in the OK historical society and obscure courthouses in Missouri and Arkansas than I would like to remember digging up facts on people that most of my family could care less about. I wanted to not only record my ancestors birth/death dates and where they were born and buried but also things about the individuals themselves. It has been quite an undertaking that has stretched at least 5 years but something that I feel is worth it.

Back to the quilt. Alot of people don't place much value on quilts. I have bought them at auctions and garage sales for as little as $1.00 and seen them auctioned off for as much as $3500.00 depending on the pattern, the age and the condition. Granted, the $3500.00 quilt was a 17th century quilt in excellent condition but it isn't only the monetary value, it is the time and love that people put into them. I am making one right now for a friend of mine an it will take me approximately a year to do everything by hand. That is a year of working on it almost every day. I tend to not work on them in the summer as much so it takes me usually 2 years to finish one. This photo is of a quilt that I designed and made myself. I have to go to the neurologist a week before the antique quilt is auctioned off so I am sure I won't have the money to buy it but I will get to see it and if the owner lets me I can look at it and photograph it for my records.

Research

2006-05-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

I learned a dirty word yesterday and it is research. I love research, I love research, I love research. Maybe if I tell myself that enough times that I will start to believe it. Naw, I stilll hate it. What got me started doing research was reading a blog last week where a writer was saying that she had this program that put her comments in the margins and that once she got everything done and went back it was hundreds of things that she had to look up. Not that I doubted her word, (she is published and I am not) it was just hard for me to believe, so I guess I doubted it a little. Then I started going back through my own WIP and found out she is right. I don't have the program that she does. I just usually stop right where the research needs to be done and just put my comment in red and go on, and that works for me, but she got me thinking that while I was doing this (and worrying about word count) that maybe I needed to go back a do a little bit as I go along. And let me tell you, I am going to have to do it that way. If I wait until the end to do all of it, it will drive me bonkers. Who would have known that it would be so hard to find out what Scottish heather smells and feels like, if it is a bush or a flower, etc. All the websites just gave me general descriptions. ugh! I did email someone at the Scottish Heather Association and asked some questions. We'll see if I hear back. I am working hard on my WIP determined to submit it soon and enter some contests, no matter how chicken I am.

Dead Man's Cove

2006-05-04T08:47:00.000-07:00

Here is the short story that I wrote the other day after reading Poe's short story MS in a Bottle.

Dead Man's

"I am sorry Miss..."

"Burgess, Melanie Burgess" she told him for the third time in their limited converstaion.

He shuffled some folders around in his hands and looked up at her. "Right, Miss Burgess. Like I was saying, I am sorry, we can't do more for you."

"Let me get this straight" Melanie said, her temper flaring more with each word that came out of the officer's mouth. "I am telling you that my sister is missing and you aren't going to do anything about it?"

"Technically, you don't have proof you sister is missing. You don't have proof that she was ever in Dead Man's Cove."

"Only the fact that she called me yesterday and told me where whe was. I suppose you are going to tell me that she was lying?" she said sarcasm dripping from her voice.

He slapped the folder down on the desk. "Now don't get snippy with me little missy. Your sister ain't here. You want to go poking around looking for her fine, but I already called over to the motel and they said that she never checked in. Brad down at the pier said she never rented a boat or gear. That tells me that she might have stopped here but she moved on."

Melanie turned and walked out.

The dispatcher walked over and leaned her hip against the police chief's desk and watched the woman walk out to her car. "That about that last girl who went missing down at the cove?"

"Yup"

"You get her car towed and her stuff burned?"

"Yup"

She looked down at him and nodded. "Good, with that one and this one, that should make him happy, unless this one decides to leave town."

The police chief got up to refill his coffee cup. "She won't. She's like a dog with a bone. And you're right. He'll be happy enough for awhile and the fishermen will get a couple of good hauls in."

Melanie stomped out to her car. It was obvious that she wasn't going to get any help from the police. Holly had been so excited about exploring Dead Man's Cove; she wouldn't have left without doing it. Her sister was athletic, adventurous, daring. Melanie was more sedate, studious, the total opposite of Holly but they were sisters and she knew her sister better than the police officer did. If Holly said she was going to explore the cove, then she did.

She pulled her SUV into an empty space in front of the motel and got out. She had already been there earlier to question the owner and he wasn't overjoyed to see her again.

"I told ya, she ain't here."

"Yes, I know, I was wanting a room."

He scratched his cheek with his dirt caked fingernail and gave her a thoughtful look. "Yer stayin?"

"For awhile. I want to go down to the cove and look around for my sister."

His face brightened. "Why didn't you say so? I'll put you in room 3 and call Brad and let him know you're coming."

She looked at him suspiciously. "Okay, sure." Something was going on around here. He was uncooperative earlier, almost hostile and now he was falling all over himself to help her out. She dug two twenties out of her purse and waited for her change.

He flashed her a yellowish, rabbity tooth smile and pointed to a winding road going away from the motel. "The Cove's that way." He handed her the change and her room key.

Ten minutes later, Melanie had changed into her swimsuit and was pulling up in front of Brad's Boat rental and stuff. He rented her a small boat and some scuba gear.

"Don't you have to take some sort of course to learn how to use this stuff?" she asked.

He shrugged and busied himslef with the equipment. "Some people do, but there is really nothing to it. You'll do fine." He smiled reassuringly at her and gave her a quick lesson. Melanie had her doubts but he was the expert. He pushed the boat off for her and she pulled the cord and suprisingly enough started the small engine. That small feat accomplished, she smiled back at Brad and waved then headed away from the shore to the point up the coast where Brad said the cove was located.

She had gone almost a mile when she saw the sign pointing to Dead Man's Cove. She cut the engine and let the boat drift into the cove. Everything was utterly quiet. She shivered in spite of the warm sun beating down on her. The water was dark, but the closer to the shore she got, the clearer it was until she could see the fish underwater. She pulled the boat onto the beach and secured it along side another similar boat. She looked inside and saw a shirt and shorts but didn't know if they belonged to her sister. She looked around but no Holly. There weren't many places her sister could have gone in the small cove. The most likely place was in the water. If she had been drowned and pulled out to sea, there was a good chance that Melanie would never find her. She wouldn't think about that now. She would concentrate on finding Holly, alive. She slipped the scuba tank over her shoulders and strapped on the flippers, mask and mouthpiece, like Brad had showed her and entered the water.

The sun was shining down through the water and she could see all sorts of fish and coral along the bottom. If she wasn't looking for her missing sister, she might have enjoyed this, as it was she turned her concentration toward the bottom and looking for Holly's body.

The bottom was covered with bright blue rocks instead of sand like the beach, which was strange and there were a variety of large tropical fish swimming around. A cloud passed across the surface and she looked up through the water to see something large coming down through the water. She had no idea what it was but it big. She quickly hid behind a rock and waited. In a few minutes it was gone so she resumed her search only to be grabbed from behind and hauled straight up at a dizzying speed. She was pulled out of the water and deposited, none too gently on a hard surface. She pulled off her goggles and mouthpiece and turned toward a loud rumbling noise. It is a feline face as big as a car. She screamed and kept on screaming.

"It's squeaking ma."

She stops in mid scream and turns toward the voice and sees a human face the size of a two-story building. She screamed again and scrambled backwards to get away from it.

A giant finger pokes her in the stomach knocking her flat on her back and the air whooshed out of her.

"This ens fat. It'll be good eatin."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to play with your food?" A woman's voice scolded from another room.

"But ma, this en looks like a good en."

"Well don't eat it raw. You know what happened the last time you did that. Heartburn all night long."

"How much longer till supper?"

The giant freckled face was licking it lips and Melanie could only look at him in facinated horror. Suddenly she was plucked upside down by one of her ankles.

"I'm putting it in the box 'till supper so leave it alone."

Melanie tried to control her hysteria. What in the hell had she gotten herself into? After she was dumped into the box, the lid was slammed down. It was dark and the smell was overpowering. It was like a thousand rotting mice were in the box with her. She tried to breath out of her mouth and not her nose but she swore that she could taste the smell of whatever was rotting in there with her and she was doing the best she could to keep from gagging.

Something was removed frome the front of the box and holes appeared. She struggled out of the tank and ran over putting her mouth over one of the holes and breathing deeply. When she finally felt like her stomach contents were going to stay in her stomach she removed her mouth and put her eye to the hole. She was looking out into a living room. Someone was banging pots in the other room and the giant boy was lying on the floor in front of the television. On a stand by the TV was an aquarium and a huge cat was busy dipping it's hand down in it trying to catch a fish. The boy picked up a toy soldier and beaned the cat with it.

"Stop it Cheddar, those fish are for me not you." There was a yowl and the cat ran away.

Melanie's knees went weak. Everything that she had heard them say rushed back to her. She turned around so that her back was against the wall and slid down to a sitting position. Her heart was beating practically out of her chest and if she didn't get a handle on her breathing she was going to hyperventilate. These people were planning to eat her. Did they not know she was human? Did they not care? She covered her mouth to hold in the sob that was trying to emerge and got a good whiff if the smell overpowering the box.

The few airholes didn't let in enough light to let her see what was causing that awful smell, and frankly she didn't know if she wanted to see it, but she had to. She took the package of waterproof matches out of her fanny pack and stood. She struck a match and it burned down before she could make herself take a step toward that awful smell.

She shored up her courage, she had to do this. There was no telling how much time she had left before they came back. She struck the second match and cupped her hand around it and stepped toward the smell. She saw what was on the floor but it took her mind a few moments before it registered what it was. When it did, she had to fight to keep from passing out. It was her sister, or what was left of her. An arm and shoulder and her head turned at an odd angle with a silent scream on her lips. Melanie turned from the image that was permantly burned in her brain and fell on her knees and threw up until there was nothing left in her stomach. She wiped her arm across her mouth and shakily stood up and struck another match. She avoided looking at her sister again, but her stomach spasmed at the thought of what she had seen, anyway. She moved deeper into the corner. Whatever the source of that odor it was not her sister. Holly had only been gone a short time, that smell was from something that had been dead awhile.

When she got to the corner, she was glad her stomach was empty. ther was a large pile of bones with bits of flesh hanging off of them in various stages of decay. How many people were in that pile, she couldn't say but she knew right then, that the town's people had to know what was going on and had been covering up these disappearances for months, maybe years. She didn't know how she would stop it, but she wasn't going to go down without a fight.

Melanie was hiding in the pile of bones when her captors opened the box.

"Where'd it go ma? I can't find it."

There was a sigh then footsteps walked toward the box. "It couldn't have gotten out, look again."

"I did and it ain't there."

Melanie could see them looking into the box. The woman poked her giant finger around in the bones until she located Melanie. "See right there it is."

The boy made a grab for her arm. In the time it had taken them to discuss her she had already lit the scrap of t-shirt she had found and tied around one of the bones. She swung the flaming femur at him until he pulled back his hand.

"What's it doin ma?" The boy said bringing his face closer to Melanie. The woman leaned down with her face right beside his watching Melanie swing the flaming bone.

"Look it quit" he said.

Melanie opened the valves on the oxygen tanks she had collected from the box, spewing the highly flamable gas right into their faces. "Die you son of a bitches, die" She screamed then put the torch right in the path of the gas.

Restless Mind

2006-05-02T15:49:00.000-07:00

This is one of the photos I took on Saturday morning (before the rain). I have been so restless and cranky lately and I don't know why. So I jumped in the car and drove to all of those places I spied last week when I had the donkey incident. There is just something about being behind the camera that is freeing to me. I can set all my worries and obligations aside for awhile and just enjoy simple things like bridges and flowers and animals, things that I see all the time but don't really see until I get behind the camera. Not that I have any delusions of granduer. Occasionally I get lucky and take a really good picture but more often than not they are just mediocre and that is ok. I do this for me not for anyone else. To clear and settle my mind and remind me what is important to me. I usually go to the country hunting for photo opportunities because although I live in the city, my heart is in the country. The missed photo opportunity for the day was an old Indian Roundhouse and cemetery that is in someone's backyard. Even though I stood across the road (I try to never trespass), the owners Chow didn't appreciate me being anywhere near its territory. So I ran like hell back to my car and will have to take that one for another day. But my little road trip did what I wanted it to do and reentergized me.

Zipper

2006-04-28T07:49:00.000-07:00

This is my cat Zipper. She who makes my life hell. I was wanting to try adding a photo to my blog today and had a little photographic excursion planned but the rain nipped that in the butt. Not that I haven't taken many pictures in the rain, but the overcast look wasn't what I was looking for today. So you get Zip Zip instead. Cats are really confusing to me. I have always been a dog person but in the last few years have taken in stray or mistreated cats too. I really hadn't been around them much since I am allergic to short haired cats. Not the long haired but the short haired. The vet said it had something to do with long haired cats cleaning themselves better so it removes the dander from their hair and that is what most people are allergic to. Who knew. Anyway, I have lucked out and the three cats I have had in that time have all been long haired. Zipper came from my cousin's house who passed away a few years ago. She was skinny and scared when I got her. My cousins husband was really mean to her and so were the kids (I don't really understand why you would keep an animal you didn't want unless they enjoyed tormenting her) I didn't see her for almost a year. I don't know if that was because she was scared of me or the dog (I had an elderly lab at that time) but when she finally appeared she was fat and demanding attention. I have had her a little over two years and she is still pretty skittish and she has an evil side. I don't know if it is left over from her past life or she loves to torment me. She jumps on me every morning at 7:30 am to wake me up to get her a can of cat food. Sometimes she jumps on my gut, sometimes it is my chest and sometimes it is my face. This morning she jumped up on my chest and pretended like she was sharpening her claws on my cheeks (thank goodness she is declawed). So I haven't figured out if she loves me or just tolerates me or can't stand me. Dogs are easy or at least mine were. You feed them, love them, play with them and they are devoted to you for life. And although I am not a cat person, I'll keep her.

Traveling

2006-04-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

I had to go to Ponca today. It is a nice long drive and on the way home I decided to take the longest, scenic route home hoping to find something along the way that I might want to come back and photograph. I haven't been feeling my best lately and there isn't anything like a good romp in nature to revive a person, or me anyway. I was winding through some back roads taking my time when I passed this farm/ranch whatever you want to call it with a big sign that said Mini Donkeys for sale and there was a field of them grazing by the house. Right as I go by the house I see that there is one that is outside the fence. Most people would have just driven on right? Of course but not me. It might have been a back road but it was still pretty busy and besides I couldn't stand the thought of the cute little thing getting squashed by a truck or something. I pull up to the house and there wasn't anyone there so I decided that I had to do whatever I could to get the donkey off the side of the road. I tugged on his neck but even for a small thing he stood his ground. I smacked it on the butt with no response. I twisted his tail up (something we used to do to get our horses moving when I was younger) He sidestepped then went back to eating grass. I pulled him, pushed him and he still didn't move much. By this time I am sweating and wondering if it is really worth it. I mean, get real, if I can't get the thing to move then I doubt it is going to wander out on the highway. But they don't call me stubborn for nothing. I was determined to save his minature hide whether he wanted it or not. So I grabbed one of his long ears and twisted. Let me tell you they don't call em jackasses for nothing. The little bugger tried to bite me. So I marched down to the car with a determined glint in my eye and popped open the trunk. I keep all sorts of handy things in my trunk. You never know when you will need rope, tape, tools, a bottle of water etc. So I got the nylon rope out and tied a makeshift halter. I had not problem slipping it over the jackasses head. He was lazy. The turds belly almost touched the ground. But let me tell you, when I tugged on that halter you would have thought it was a rodeo featuring a wild mini donkey. He was running around and bucking and acting crazy. But I wrapped the rope around my hand and pulled him down into the yard and then stood there and stared at the fench. There wasn't a gate. Well the fence was made out of those welding rods that are about as big around as your finger so I tied the rope to it (with enough slack so he could move up and down the fence and reach water and graze of course) and left. I wasn't about to let him go now. My hands were stinging a little from the rope but it was a small price to pay. Then I left. Oh before I got into the car I pumped my fist in the air. One point for Chrystal, 0 points Donkey.

I did get some writing done yesterday and some reading. I wrote 2000 words. Which I know isn't much, but more than I have felt like doing in a few weeks.

I finished Lynn Kurland's new book Much Ado in the Moonlight. It was excellent. But I am biased. I think everything she does is excellent. If you like sexy highland lards, a little time travel and a little intrigue, you'll love it.

I also read two short stories by Poe. The first one was Berenice it was good, but a little creepy the other one was MS in a Bottle. Now that one was different. I have to admit I was disappointed. I just didn't get it or maybe it would be better to say that it didn't end how I thought it would. For some reason I thought at the ending that he was going to realize that he was on a ship that was in a bottle (you know like those ones you see all the time). Where I got that idea, I don't know. If anyone knows the meaning of that story, I would be interested to know. It did give me an idea for a horror short story though involving a giant who is a cannibal, an aquarium and girl who goes looking for her sister and ends up with alot more.

A Hook at last

2006-04-24T08:46:00.001-07:00

Last night when I was almost alseep in that light sleep where you are awake enough that you can hear things around you but still not really awake, an idea popped in my head. That in itself wasn't unusal, because ask any writer how many ideas jump around in their head and practically beg to be written down, and they will say alot. But sometimes when I can't figure something out, it works itself out in my brain while I am asleep. I have been struggling with my WIP. The story is good although there are some definate problems that have to be worked out. One of those problems is the hook, as in there isn't one. I have been agonizing over this. Actually hook has become a dirty word in my vocabulary. But last night as I was drifting off, the idea hit me. I sat straight up in bed and laughed. It was so simple I'm suprised I hadn't thought of it before. But in my defense, I have been on medication for the last two weeks that makes me dizzy and gives me stomach aches. Not really an environment conducive to creativity (as if I have only been struggling with this for two weeks). Anyway, I jotted it down and fell into the sleep of the satisfied. I haven't looked at it today. It may not be as good as I think it is but it is a start.

I was reading Rinda's Blog (http://thewritesnark.blogspot.com) this morning and her short story Norse Gods at Starbucks. Check it out if you have time. It is a really good story and that woman has imagination.

Speaking of imagination, sometimes it is hard to keep ahold of that part of yourself that sees things differently than others when you go to a job that leaves no outlet for creativity or with your family and friends who expect you to act and do thing in a specific way that is comfortable to them even if it is stifling to you. I am struggling with that right now. I have never marched to the same tune as everyone else and for that I am glad. My best friend told me many years back that everyone should have one friend like me, just one. On the surface that might sound like a criticism, but I didn't take it like that. She has always appreciated my uniqueness (if not always agreed with or understood it) and we have been friends for more years than I have fingers amd toes and when I said I wanted to start writing seriously and never use my degrees (that I had spent alot of time and money to acquire) she never doubted I would do it and has even helped me as much as she could.

An incident happened just recently that pushes home my point about imagination. It wasn't anything that was life altering but it stuck with me just the same. I was at the food bank at my mom's church volunteering a few weeks ago. I got on potato duty (there is a pallet with almost 5 feet of potatoes stacked on it in 50 lb bags and we sort through them and pick out the bad ones and put the rest in smaller sacks so they can be given out later with the boxes of food) My cousin was by me and we were talking about everything under the sun while we were sorting and I started to notice that alot of the potatoes looked like hearts. Not distinct heart shapes but if you looked close, they resembled them, to me anyway. So I said "Look, they're shaped like hearts." She gave me a digusted look and said. "You're so weird. They're just potatoes." And that was the problem. I saw hearts and she saw potatoes. And that is why I plan to sell my house and move across the country. I'm not running away from my problems, I have tried everything I can to keep negative influences from touching me but there are too many people in my life that are close to me that just see potatoes and I am afraid that one day I won't see the hearts anymore either. I am afraid that if I stay here that the part of me that makes me unique, the part of me that can see hearts in potatoes or dragons in clouds or create interesting stories will just die and that is unacceptable.

My crazy day

2006-04-22T13:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of those days that I wished I would have stayed in bed, you know we all have them. You get up and before you even get out of the house a series of events makes you realize that no matter how much you want to enjoy the day, it isn't going to happen. I stepped on the cats tail which made her bite me, I dropped my prescription medication down the toliet and then I dropped the coffee container on the floor (not the tiny can, but the jumbo can that was full). Me being a resourseful kind of gal (and desperate) decided that I could skim the top layer off of the pile of coffee grounds and have my caffine fix for the day, that was until the cat skidded around the corner like the hounds of hell were after her and slid right through it. Just a helpful hint. When cleaning up coffee grounds, don't use water.

This little adventure happened in the first 10 minutes of being awake. Enough to make a less stubborn person hide out under the covers for the rest of the day. But it didn't me, no sir. I had just figured out how to send my digital pictures to Walmart via the internet and I was anxious to go get them. Before I could get out the door my mother and sister both call me. There has been an argument and they both want to tell me their sides. Since we are basically a family of avoidance, this in itself is a rarity but I listened and tried not to take sides or give my opinion. It works better for me that way. I drive the 20 miles to my sisters to get my mom. Even though they aren't really speaking at the moment, my mom had to go see my two year old nephew. That was tension with a capital T. The only one who is happy is Tanner. He seemed oblivious to the tension, I wish I had been. We finally left and drove the 30 miles to the city and I got my pictures, the majority of which were as you can well guess of Tanner. Mom is still in a pissy mood and gets into an argument with the towel lady at JC Penny. I go to the car. I get home only to be bombarded by calls wanting me to buy vinyl siding for my rock house, septic care for my house that is on city utilities, etc. It was a long day. One that I think would have went alot more smoothly if I had just stayed in bed and not answered the phone.

I did catch up on some reading though. I started reading Black House by Stephen King and Peter Straub. I know it is a few years old but I'm just getting around to it. I am liking it so far. I really like Stephen King's old stuff, Cujo, The Shining, Carrie, Pet Cemetery, etc. The newer stuff I am not so crazy about. It just seems so different. Like the book he wrote with the short stories in it. I couldn't stay interested. Now when I read Pet Cemetery, I couldn't put it down. It scared the crap out of me and creeped me out but I had to finish it. Maybe it is my tastes that are changing. I am a member of Oklahoma Romance Writers of America, http://www.okrwa.com, which sounds like a far cry from horror, but not as far a leap as it used to be. If you don't believe me just pick up one of Laurell K. Hamilton's books. It is horror with romantic elements. What we need is a catagory for romance with horror. We could call it ho-mance. ha! just kidding. But it wouldn't suprise me if they eventually came up with a category for it. If you are interested in a good article on writing chech out Rachel Vincent's Blog for friday, April 21 http://urbanfantasy.blogspot.com

Working on the house

2006-04-20T10:09:00.000-07:00

I am trying to get my old house ready to sell and today I am painting the floor in one of the bedrooms. Yes, you heard me right, painting the floor. When I moved in there was this horrid orange shag carpet so it had to go. Under that was plank flooring that was painted steel gray. The ideal thing would be to sand the floor and refinish it but this isn't that high dollar of a house and I can't handle that gigantic sander myself (been there done that). the wall paper is a green with pink and yellow flowers with a chair rail and creamish/yellow painted walls above it. It wasn't suppose to turn out so femine but it did. So I am painting the floors a color darker than the cream. Kind of a creamish/tan. huh, Creamish/tan, creamish/yellow. Call Sherwin Williams, I have invented a new name for their paint. ha! Somehow I don't think they would go for it unless they were introducing a hillbilly line of paint. Anyway, I am painting the floor (I hate to paint) and the cat won't leave me alone. She keeps running through the paint. So here I am trying to paint the floor, chase the cat and clean up paint kitty paw prints. Cats, you gotta love em. I think she is just pissed because she sleeps under the bed during the day and I am disturbing her sleep time. It's not like there aren't other places in the house to sleep. She lives to torture me.